Am I immune to change?

Hours before I was due at the Badass Mamas group, I toyed with the idea of just dropping out. I knew we were going to work on the exercise from the book “Immunity to Change: How to Overcome it and Unlock Potential in Yourself and Your Organization.” My brain kept telling me that I am actually immune to change. Joining a support group to try to move what feels like immovable problems was a really nice idea. But, come on, I’d been struggling with this exercise for weeks and felt like I was getting nowhere. I couldn’t really figure out why I was stuck. If I casually dropped out, I could avoid really looking at some truth that felt not so great.

untangling stuckness

We talked about our stuck places and how difficult really changing ourselves feels at the last Badass Mamas circle. Jenni said if changing our lives was easy, we would have done it already. I brought my own stuck place to the Badass Mamas circle on Monday night. There’s embarrassment around this seemingly unmovable condition. And shame. And years of thinking hasn’t propelled me into being unstuck.

strong as a mother

Yesterday I wore a t-shirt that read “Strong as a Mother.” I wanted the whole world to read it but the day was chilly. I slipped on a bright, mustard-toned sweater over my bold, grey t-shirt. Now no one could read these words but I still knew they were there. All day my swagger lived in that t-shirt, a secret no one knew but me. 

finding bravery

The morning after the Badass Mama’s retreat I woke up late and terrified. I thought to myself, “Who do you think you are that you can change your life in one year?” And then my inner bully answered back, “What if you don’t change your life? THAT would be pathetic.”